Hello, again! Today...is the release of my writing "In My Own Heart"! I hope you guys will enjoy it! What have you guys been doing? I am packed with tests, projects, and essays for next week. So, I am working hard even though its the weekend. But I know it will be worth it! Check out the writing below!
Today’s the day. I sit up on my bed, still clutching the blanket close to me as I hug my two, stuffed animals tight. Feelings of excitement, anxiousness, and nervousness wash through me. The ring of my alarm goes on, making me jump. I give out a sigh, “aish”. That is what happens when you are too addicted into watching Korean dramas every weekend. I get off my bed and stand up, my feet touch the ice-cold floor and sends a shiver through my spine. I face the mirror, smiled, and thought to myself, you can do this, you can do this.
I inhale the sweet aroma of banana, sugar, and chocolate as I walk down the damp stairs on my favorite, sparkly socks. I stroll down to the dining room and a feeling of sheer delight formed its signature curve ear to ear, on my face. In front of me were small, triangle-shaped crepes complete with sweetened, condensed milk sauce. A morning’s piece of artwork. I nibble mine, slowly, just like how a mouse would eat. It was warm, heavenly luscious as it melted in my mouth. At that right moment, I forgot about everything. But it felt good to make the things that made me worry, insecure, scared melt away with such sweet-tasting treats. At least...for now.
***
As I step out of the bus the blaring, blinding sunlight welcomed us but it didn’t matter. I already dabbed my skin with sunscreen before going out. I helped my brother out and guided him to a shaded spot close to the gate.
“Audomaro, princess will be doing a speech today! Please say ‘good luck, princess’!” I expressed with enthusiasm.
Audomaro looked at me confused but, grinned and responded. “Good luck, princess!”
I smiled at him, kissed his cheek, and made my way to the school. “Thank you! See you later!” I cried, as I walked to the gate.
Every step I took, sparked up a feeling just where I think would be a place close to my heart. I knew it was not until 1:45, but I knew the day would go on fast. Because that’s just the way life goes, it kills time when you’re having fun. But worse, when you’re anticipating something really badly.
“Good morning, everyone!” Mrs. Johnson beamed. “We have a lot of work to do. Today you will have to sit with your team and talk about what you guys want to do. But...remember this is a test design. Although, you will still need to pay for the materials. So, get going and start working!”
Chairs screeched as the students moved to their group tables, big thumps from tables as people dropped their materials carelessly. I search to find Stella through the crowd of people and took my stuff to our table.
“Stella, is Kira here?” I asked, looking around.
“Nope. Haven’t seen her but, I hope she comes.” Stella stated. “Seriously. This is important.”
I nodded along. “Yeah, I hope she does.”
Thirty minutes into class, Stella and I had already drawn our drafts, ideas were settled, and everything we needed to buy was listed. Just then Kira came into class panting like she ran a long run, the rims of her eyes were a shade darker probably from lack of sleep, and her signature bun, tangled and messy, just the way she liked it. She slipped the late form to Mrs. Johnson’s clipboard and walked to our table.
“Kira!” I cried, excitedly.
“Hey, guys.” She responded, sleepily.
From that, I decided to shut my mouth, because apparently Kira was not a “morning person”. I said nothing as Stella explained what we both decided to do but, then I soon realized they were having an argument.
“Kira, this is only a test design. Calm down.” Stella said.
Kira rolled her eyes and sighed. “But I’m telling you, it won’t work.”
“Kira, we haven’t even tried, give it a chance. Please.” A sob was already stuck in my throat by then. I wasn’t in the mood to argue and definitely not with any of my best friends. I was overwhelmed by this science project, math test, and the speech. I don’t think I could hold it any longer.
“Give me that.”
I looked around, confused, and realized it was Kira. I looked at what was in my hands, it was the bank form. Just then, Kira snatched it from my hands. I tried to reach for it, but she had it in a strong grip.
“Kira, that’s important. Give it back!” Stella and I exclaimed in unison.
“I mean it, Kira. It’s important. Please.”
Clinks and clanks of golf balls, people laughing, talking, arguing, screeches of chairs being pushed away, the math test, science project, the speech. The world around me spun, I was getting dizzy. I couldn’t help it, I fell to the ground. Even before I felt the cool floor against my skirt, tears already warmed my face.
***
I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around.
“Are you okay, Conchita?” Jazmin asked, softly.
I looked into her sparkling, hazel eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks, Jazzy.”
She patted my head gently. “Good, doggy.” She grinned and left.
I chuckled and went outside to meet up with everyone else.
“Hey, guys!” I shouted.
“Hi, Conchita!” They all sang in unison.
“How was social studies? Did you have homework?” Stella asked.
“I was basically sleeping and...no. No homework. Plus, I sat by myself. I’m such a lonely, lonely loner.”
Margot shook her head hastily; I was terrified that it would break off. “No, no, no. Now you have us!” She exclaimed, in her lovely Italian accent.
Cecilia gestured for me to sit next to her. “Come on, sit down, and eat!”
“No, thanks. Don’t have food. And...I need to practice my speech.”
I paced back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth...reciting every, single word I had written on my paper. Mentally hitting myself if I missed a word, starting from the beginning to end, not missing any-
“CONCHITA!” They all practically yelled.
I jumped.
“You’re gonna do awesome. Stop.” Stella said, comforting me.
Cecilia nodded. “You’re going to do great!”
“Yes, you are.” Margot happily chimed. That lovely Italian accent of hers, it never grows old.
***
I tap my thick, mechanical pencil, making a soft thud on the table. Every tap seemed to make my heart beat just a tiny bit faster. I stared at my paper, filled with smudgy Spanish words, not caring about what anything meant, I stared into space.
"Conchita, are you alright?" Isabel said, leaning over. "You nervous? Because I know I am."
"Yeah...I guess I'm really nervous." I responded as I looked into my watch. "Only three more minutes."
The ear-splitting, screeching sound of the bell hurt my ears.
"It's time?" I stuttered, shaking Isabel. "Already?"
"Yes, yes, I know. Don't worry." Isabel said, patting my shoulder assuringly. Behind her confidence, I could hear that she was as scared as I was, too.
I ran down the slippery stairs, a rush of adrenaline was filling me up. As I hurry down, I saw a familiar face down the hall. I ran to her.
"Mom! Mom! What should I do? I'm so nervous! What should I do?"
"No...don't be." She cooed, hugging me tightly. "You are going to be the best, I know it."
***
The lively, enthusiastic cheers and applause filled the performance hall. I sat next to my friends, finishing the last drops of my water, listening.
"Alright! And the last position we are going to listen to today is the presidents!" Announced Ms. Soderberg. "Please come up. Conchita, Isabel, and Rafael."
I slowly stand, forcing my trembling, shy legs to walk and before I knew it I was behind the podium.
"I'm the first one, aren't I?" I whispered to Ms. Soderberg, faintly. I thought she wouldn't be able to hear that, but she did.
Ms. Soderberg nodded and smiled. "Yes, you are." She then turned to the audience, "Our first candidate will be Conchita Isdiawan!"
A roar of cheers and applause filled the performance hall once again. I looked at my mom, whose smile radiated with joy and happiness and at my brother, whose eyes flickered with anticipation. I stepped on the podium and thought to myself, "this is for my parents, for my friends, for me. I can do this." I took a deep breath and the words that I have kept inside my mind, rushed out of my mouth like a waterfall of words that have been waiting for too long to be released.
*** The True Winner ***
The day went on too quickly; I was already in drama class, playing a game of energy circle with my classmates. It was almost time for the second half of the election candidate speeches, which meant my brother would be doing his too. Already, sixth graders were sitting down, watching us play intensively.
"Hussam!" Reem scolded. "Get back to your place! You're going to make us lose!"
Hussam ran around, speeding up the pace. The clap went around, until everyone gave up.
"Alright, it's almost time for the assembly!" Mrs. Hovland said. "Get your stuff and find a place to sit!"
And we all did what we were told to. At least, some of us.
"Please, give your last round of applause for the CSR candidates!" Ms. Soderberg lightly instructed.
When the crowd calmed down, Ms. Soderberg once again stepped in the front. "Alright. Now, may we please have our secretary candidates come up?"
I searched for my brother's eyes and when I found them the words nervous and anxiousness were clearly written on them, I silently mouthed the words "fighting". Our sibling slang for “do your best, I know you can do it”.
"Our third candidate will be Dandy."
Once again a roar of cheers and applauded filled the performance hall and somewhere when the performance hall was slightly calming down, I heard "Dandy!" From the look of my brother's face, I knew he heard it too.
"...so, it's your choice about what you choose. You either stay on the ground like you always did before, or vote for me and you'll touch the sky."
I must have looked like a crazy girl, fangirling over her favorite boy band. Because, that was what I felt like. I clapped so hard that my poor, thin hands turned rose-red. I laughed, smiled, and cheered for my brother. Because that's what older siblings do. Somehow, I felt like the world slowed motion itself. When I looked at Ms. Soderberg, I caught a chuckle that vanished lightning fast, in thin air. I wonder what she was thinking about. After all, the 'thing' she chuckled at, was me.
***
Minutes have gone by since Mrs. Callaway announced that the candidates will have to get out of class, fifteen minutes before the bell rings. I sat down with a book in my hands but, not being able to read properly. My mind was filled of thoughts and excitement about the results. I couldn't focus. It was 3:05, only ten more, painful minutes to go. But I just couldn't wait any longer. I stared into the words of my book because, right now, it felt like that was the best I could do.
I heard a chair trying to be pushed away as silently as it could, but failed because it got the attention of me. I find Isabel’s eyes fixed on me and she nodded. It was time.
I nodded back and took my stuff and followed Isabel out the door. A rush of cool air made me shiver, it was cold and that was the last thing I needed to fully wake me up.
We all sat in anticipation for the results but, we had to sit there listening about how if we lose, we shouldn’t be sad. That stuff. “Yes, yes we get it already. Can we see the results now?” I thought.
“Our CSR, will be...Jessica!” Announced Mr. Lee.
We all clapped and cheers were given, too. Treasurer, Gustavo. PRO, Kentaro. We clapped for them and gave a “good job” shout to the ones who weren’t elected.
“Our secretary will be...Jayda!”
I looked at my brother and saw the disappointment in his eyes but, I knew he was a strong guy. He smiled and cheered for Jayda, sincerely. Seeing my brother’s disappointment, I knew I wouldn’t win either. We, as siblings, supported each other, helped each other, and it just wouldn’t make sense for one to win without the other. But the whole time we were there, a smile was still cemented on my face, a very joyful and cheerful smile.
“Isabel! Good job and congratulations! You got the position of President!” I exclaimed, tapping her shoulder.
Isabel turned around and hugged me. “Thank you! You also did a good job!”
And from there, I turned around to go home. With a smile on my face. Bright, cheerful, and sincere.
***
“I didn’t get elected, mom.” I said.
“It’s okay, I am still very proud of you and your brother. Now, go wash up. You’ve had a long day.”
Yes. I did, I thought. A very long one, indeed.
I dried myself off and heard the ‘ping’ of my phone but, before I could reach for it, my mom called.
“Yes, I’m coming!” I called back, walking down the stairs.
“Look what I wrote! Come over here!”
And I did, I walked towards the bed and sat down next to her. I looked into the miniscule screen of her phone and realized that she had written something about me and posted it.
“Okay, I’m going to read it to you.” My mom said, excitedly. “Hari ini gadis kecilku Conchita Flavia Ameera Isdiawan mendapat pelajaran hidup yang sangat berharga…”
I sit there, listening, and fighting back the tears that were slowly wanting to come out. I avoided her gaze and pretended to look at something else. When I realized she was almost at the end, I quickly swiped my tears with the sleeve of my shirt, and wiped them on my pants.
“You wrote an essay about me! You just wrote an essay. About me!” I joked, trying to make myself act normal again.
My mom laughed. “That’s not the point, Conchita. But you understand what I just wrote about, right?”
“Yes, yes. Let me make it in my own words. ‘The true winner is the person who accepts their lost, with a winner’s heart’. Correct?”
“Exactly!” My mom beamed, happily.
For just a minute, I thought to myself. That’s why I accepted my lost so easily and with a big smile. Because no matter what, I am the winner in the hearts of the people who truly love and care about me. But, most importantly, I am the winner in my own heart.